Strange Memories

I think I wouldn't rate them as top 10 or something, but they are truly kind of the most weird things that have happened to me. Of course, some of these things would seem downright boring to some readers. But compared to the rest of my life, these stand out pustules on the palm.

1. I was once on the street with C and S, when eunuchs came and attacked us. C, being a male, was actually bear hugged by one of the eunuchs while S and I escaped behind an auto. C, has never told us how much money he paid the attackers for freedom and hates us till today for ditching him.

2. I once had a blue colour gola and happily finishing it, boarded my usual local. One woman, stared at me for a while and then asked me. "Kya aapko pata hai? Aapke daant blue hain."

3. This one runs along similar lines. When I was playing on the road in my adolescence. "Kya aapko pata hai? Aapne dress ulta pehna hai."

4. I was waiting on the railway platform, sitting on a bench, reading something. This absolutely shabby beggar walks up to me and tries to see what I am reading with his hands behind his back. I could not shake him off and he followed me from bench to bench. Eventually, I left.

5. There is this mentally unstable beggarwoman whose behaviour is uncontrolled and she randomly boards and jumps off trains. For some strange reason, one day, she stood next to me and hit me on the head with an empty plastic bottle before getting down.

6. One day, there was a large breasted bai sitting opposite me in the train. Suddenly, I was shocked speechless when her left boob started flashing bright light. She then dug her hand inside her semi-opaque blouse and took her cell phone out and started talking.

7. Once when I was bathing , my short-sighted eyes noticed dirt floating in the bucket of hot water. I thrust my hand inside caught a beautiful live wriggling lizard, brought it close to my useless eyes, realisation struck too late, shrieked for a week's worth.

8.I was once sitting, in the hostel study room with R, completely absorbed in what I was reading. Apparently, that day, the BMC workers had come for fogging the hostel premises for the malaria season. We were calmly studying when enormous amounts of blinding white smoke started coming out of all windows engulfing us. Shrieked again. Laughed later, though.

9. Another train one. I was travelling with M this time. A little toddler with pustules on his face was picking at them. M alerted his mother who laughed it away. The little guy deviously dissected a large pustule. He examined the peeled skin in his hand for a second and then popped it into his mouth. Yuck.

10. I 'll write the tenth if I remember something . Its too late at night for me.

Yours Intestinally

After four and a half years of examinations and highstrung nerves, I have finally come to identify the only sensitive organ in my body... my intestines. Apparently, the Almighty wired my nerves a little weirdly and most of the neurons in my brains seem displaced into my intestines.
The autonomic nervous system innervating my intestines are closely linked to my limbic system, my emotional centre.

As I reached adulthood, I recognised my inability to feel happy, sad, angry, disappointed, anxious, surprised etc. and wondered whether I was born into Nirvana, something people ache for but never attain; no matter how hard they try. But this spectrum of emotions was perfectly conveyed to my bowels year after year, which I have just recently learnt to recognise (ever since I strayed into a medical college). I know there must be many such mentally insensitive souls wandering in the bleakness, being incessantly accused of having unfeeling hearts and I hope my frank revelations help them read their own minds.

Generally, a phase of regular bowel motions is suggestive of contentment. It is accompanied with audible gurgles at pinnacles of happiness, something my friends are completely used to by now. The gurgles are usually accompanied with a sensation of peristalsis from right to left at the upper abdomen. This will help you to differentiate happiness from hunger; the latter is accompanied by static gurgles felt in the left half of upper abdomen.

Negative feelings with violent fluctuations manifest as diarrhoea. The most important being anxiety and nervousness, especially just before exams (or similar events where the next few hours are determinants of your fate). The attack usually occurs acutely and you have to rush to the loo that instant or perish. (Which is why I have all the loo locations on every floor and departments of KEM hospital on my fingertips, in case you ever need help, call me.) Anger and hatred manifest similarly but with a hint of nausea. You have to repeatedly experience them to outline the subtle differences. Also, anxiety is the best purgative. So, if your bowels feel flushed out and all empty and hollow at the end, it is more likely to be anxiety than anger.

Phases of life marred by disappointment, discontent, low self-esteem (eg. Greek God asked out the Hot Babe and he doesn't even know your name) manifest with irregular, untimely, ill-formed and for some unfortunate souls- foul smelling stools. Boredom and a passive life with deterioration of intellect manifest with constipation and/or painful defecation. These individuals also don't respond to anxiety and anger and are referred to quacks such as medical doctors for treatment. Surprises manifest as blink-and-miss phenomena such as a quick burp or wind from the other end (better missed... hehe).

Jealousy and envy, one of the most rampant feelings in med-school are wired into the stomach. Heartburn continuous or intermittent is diagnostic. No amount of antacids, syrups or tablets, can cure it. These individuals again end up with quacking medical doctors.

Complicated emotions like devotion, admiration, caution are permutations and combinations of above given manifestations. And yes, of course, the most complex emotion, reproductive love. I wouldn't comment on it, as it remains one of the few I have not yet experienced. And when you do, please tell me the exact presentation. Who knows, I could be dumb enough to overlook it just because I took a laxative!

LAQ.. Behenji

A Behenji is defined as a plain-looking woman who blends into the background and is an expert at commiting stupid errors because of her slow thinking and is struggling for survival and reproduction.

Her only solace in life is bitching about other people which she does discreetly though in large packs. Most behenjis are lonely in the beginning but eventually they sniff out similar beings in the crowd and form a cohort. It helps to have behenjis in different spheres because they can collect more information and form a greater database. Behenjis stick together through thick and thin. Like velcro. And make just as much noise. At any point of time a behenji is either giggling (we never laugh) or arguing or bitching. Activities like thinking, creating, innovating are unheard of as yet.

Behenjis repel men. Or they become good friends. Some behenjis are prone to attract men from lower socioeconomic groups when they are crossing streets or ambling around late at night. That's all.

Most behenjis use embroidered handkerchiefs with surface areas less than their own palms. It's used just for moral support. To establish yourself as a pucca behenji wear matching clothes and accesories. From hair clips to slippers. A behenji can never look into a mirror without convulsing 4 times worried about her appearance.

Behenji cohorts have one primary female who is the stereotype . Others are variations of her. Some just wallow in its principles.

The most intellectual decisions taken by us varies from what to wear this evening to what to wear next day. Majority of the discussions deal with what that bitch wore today. Or didn't wear.
Behenjis are accomplished in book-keeping. Be it borrowed money or grudges, we never forget, believe me. Behenjis have secret nicknames for everyone. It eases confusion so we know exactly whom we are bitching about.

Behenjis are introspective women who love to think and talk about themselves.
And blog.