Wedding Knells

It usually starts like this.

First, there is an invitation by phone. Pleasantaries are exchanged. The good news is passed on from network to network; landline to mobile to internet. Then comes the invitation by post. It is usually glittery with gold and silver paint on it and the usual images of auspicious Hindu Gods and Goddesses. Then comes the constant commentary from my parents about the details of...... The next wedding in the family.

I have always paused to question why I have such an aversion to attend weddings. Usually my family has to plead, convince, threaten, demand and finally resort to emotional blackmail to make me attend one. That happens only after I have exhausted ALL the options of excusing myself from the event. I don't have a big range of excuses. Since I am blessed with one exam every month, I can manipulate and juggle details, so that the wedding day becomes the most crucial arc of my educational curve. My folks eventually saw through it.

Since I am a born miser, and always seem to be down in finances, the amount of money spent on an average wedding unnerves me. Even my bai spent a fortune on her daughter's wedding. The other fact, of course, is that all the money is usually sourced by the bride's family. Which I know is not going to change for a long long time. And another point to be noted is the ease with which most brides assume that the wedding will be financed by their hardworking parents.

Usually just before any wedding, my social conscience awakens and sudden feelings of social injustice to women(read:arranged marriages) and hypocrisy of the society, surface in my soul. This has begun to happen due to two incidents. In the first one, a very educated relative of mine started bantering about my wedding. It was nauseating. He said that it would become very difficult to find a educated groom if I reached late-twenties. And if I didn't marry soon, I would be lonely for the rest of my life. All this, when I was 18. Basically it was bullshit. At another wedding, an uncle of mine presided over the wedding. He has the distinction of having already married off his two daughters as child-brides.

This is not all. If you are still reading this and know me well..... I hate to dress up!!! I hate wearing salwar kameez, plaiting my hair, bangles, earrings and all that comes with it. The most shudder-ful chapter of this is sticking flowers into my hair. I have failed to understand why women find pleasure in poking reproductive organs of plants into their hair.

The climax of my aversion to weddings comes from the endless repetitiveness of it. Each wedding may be special for the families involved. But for seasoned audience like me, it is mind-boggling repetition of the same rituals, same reception, same comments, same jokes.

The only solace for me is the good food. I can't wait to start eating the minute I reach the venue. Especially the desserts. Sometimes, I don't mind sticking a hundred pins into my head just to eat 5 plates of butterscotch icecream without anyone suspecting.

Now, you would wonder why I bothered to write this piece.
Please DON'T invite me to your wedding. I would prefer an icecream at good old Aditi's.