Ignorance is bliss, so is innocence

I don't know if u've read 'The portrait of Dorian Gray" by Oscar Wilde...a classic novel...it's about how a beautiful young man in a moment of madness makes a desperate wish... lives his life vicariously and still remains forever young, whole and beautiful while his potrait encaptures the true blackness of his soul, mirrors his sins, grows old, ugly, changes its form, hides and then reveals the true colours of Dorian Gray.

A fantastic idea no doubt... the first time he commits a crime, the change that comes over the portrait is not only physical but there's a subtle change in the overall expression-the hardening of heart, the awakening of vice. And what struck me is, the portrait is actually a reflection of the soul and not merely a marker of the passing of time and age-bound changes.

And why am I being so disturbed by it now? I came across an old passport size photo of mine, taken in May 2002 , fresh out of school before going to college and got a recent pic taken 5 days ago. And what bothered me was not the physical changes, the receeding hairline, the dark circles, the tightening of the corners of lips, the pendulous lower lip(the hallmark of self-obsession!), the acne pitmarks...those are to be expected.

But it was my look that surprised me -the wide-eyed, innocent "everbody is nice and everything is all right in this world" expression that shines through...Good God, how could I be so naive? So innocent, so trusting...don't get me wrong...i'm still one of the most credulous and naive people around but the latest pic clearly has this film of cynicism over it, the "who really cares or gives a damn as to what happens look"...having expected too much and having believed too much in the intrinsic goodness of people once upon a time, now I've come to a stage when I don't really have any expectations from anybody...where anything good is just an add-on, a bonus.

And that's what is painful. Not the gain of cynicism, not the loss of naivete' but the loss of innocence...