Vicious or viva-cious?

Why me?
My university vivas, with external examiners, no matter how hard I try to keep them sombre and boring have to evolve in to a masala episode which I try to recount and forget the embarassment. Sigh.

First year... Physiology
Examiner: So, examine the sensation of upper lips on the subject.
Me: Er...ma'am?
Examiner: Examine the sensation of upper lips.
Me: uh..ok
(I take a wisp of cotton for testing fine sensations and examine the sensation of upper lips on a forty year old supine mama.)
Examiner: (Laughing hard) What are you doing? I said examine sensation of upper limbs!!!
Me: Oh, oh, Ma'am, I heard upper lips.
Examiner: Don't you have any common sense?
Me: Sorry ma'am.

Second year... Forensic Medicine
(It is November, I am cold and shivering.)
Examiner: Are you very cold, should I turn off the fan?
Me: Yes sir, thank you.
(Examiner gets up turns off the lights and we are momentarily in darkness.)
Examiner: uh, sorry, sorry.
(He finds the right switch. Light on. Fan off.)
Examiner: So, what is nymphomania?
Me: Sir it is a .... (you kno what right?)....
Examiner: What is the meaning of nymph?
Me: Er...
Examiner: What is the word nymph derived from?
Me: Er...
Examiner: Do you know what is a nymphectomy... you don't know?
Me : Er... (Desperately wishing he switched to some other topic!)

This year... PSM
Examiner: What is your height?
Me: 5'10''
Examiner: So what are the advantages and disvantages of being 5'10''?
Me: ( sheepishly smiling, showing my broken incisor, waiting for him to talk sense)
Examiner: Don't you think you have a social problem? This being preventive and social medicine, think..
Me: (thinking about tall women not have adequate pelvises and safe deliveries, but that's a gynac problem, so I sit there and stay shut up)
Examiner: Don't you think it will be difficult to find a bridegroom for you? I mean, your choice will be so limited.
Me: Sir, I don't have a problem with shorter men.
(At this juncture, the internal examiner, our beloved Dr. B, covers her face with her hand, Manoj Kumar ishtyle and breathes heavily.)
Examiner: Yes, you will not have a problem, but the husband will have, he will have to wear heels.
Me: Then I will not be with him na.
Examiner: That is what I am saying , you have limited choice.
(He actually starts singing) Jiski biwi lambi uska bhi bada naam hai..
Me: (I grind my teeth, I can hear the PSM RMOs sniggering outside the cabin.)
Examiner: (finally we proceed to the viva) How can you say that your height is not abnormal?
(And we end up discussing biostatistics and genetics...)